Memoirs of Wilk_in_Slim

Seems like it has been ages since i blogged and again as usual there’s so many things to blog about but it’s so saturated in my head that it has become solid and not flowing into words but only hovering around in my head as pictures of memories and videos of flashbacks.

Well, to start off, I have finally graduated! Yeah… (sarcastically sounding the “yeah”, just like the “duh” yeah. Hmm… oh whateva… anyway…) that was like a month ago. Well, all was well, moments of emotions just like a roller coaster, weird lump in my throat when I wanna bid my friends and love ones good bye. Then now i’ve started working in my hometown, which is again like a roller coaster experience. Some days are good, some days are bad. Some days are “hot”, some days are “cold”. Some hours are fun, some hours are darn. Some patients are cute, some patients act cute, some nurses are helpful, some nurses are playful, some doctors are fierce, some doctors are cheers. Hmm… k, i don’t have any freaking idea what i just typed. I just know it sorta rhymes. Just can’t help it, i’m post-call (after our oncalls are over we’re called postcalls, basically indicating that we’re super tired and our brain is in a semi comatose state). Anyway, ya, though working life is very tough and it ain’t what i expected, not as fun as i thought it would be, yet everytime after a busy, tiring, draining day, the best way for me to feel good is to drop by at some patient’s ward and chat with them, joke with them, tease them in a good way. It lightens their mood and fears and it also lightens my heavy heart. Hmmm… how did i reach to this kinda topic? Oh, doesn’t matter lah… in the midst of all the negative, I thank God for He has given me the ability to TRY to look beyond negativism and focus on the positive, focusing thru God’s perspective.

Guess taht’s all la for now.. my eyelids are getting heavier, fingers are trembling and mouth is foaming. Need to ciao now…. Wilkins signing off till the next post… ciaozzz…

Oh oh.. UP is awesome. Yeah, i teared in that movie, so what? Be a man and cry/tear/weep.

Thankful For Your Fellowship

Everytime I think of you my heart is filled with praise,

I thank God for all you’ve meant to me,

You have helped me serve the LORD in many many ways,

We are partners for eternity.

I’m thankful for your fellowhship,

Thankful for your partnership,

Thankful for the love we share in Jesus Christ,

Thank you for the joy we’ve known,

Thank you for the way we’ve grown,

I thank God each time i think of you!

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Ah… there’s so many things to blog about, so many experience and thoughts to share, but everything is so pending and and cramped up in my brain that the desire to blog it out has been drowned by the overwhelming pending thoughts. Oh well… it shall remain as an experience to be shared over a meal lah… hehehe….

Was in church today and one of the songs that we sang was the above song. While singing the song and reading the lyrics, another wave of memories, wave of faces came flooding into my mind, one after another and again i felt how blessed i was to have encountered these faces throughout my life thus far. To you “faces” out there, you have corrected me when I was wrong, you have praised me when I was right, you have offered me a shoulder when i was down, you have offered me an affirmation when i was merry. You have made an impact in my life, you have made a difference in me and moulded me to be a person i am today (though still imperfect, am still working towards perfection). Indeed everytime I think of you my heart is filled with joy, I thank God for all you’ve meant to me, I thank God each time I think of you.

There was/is so many faces that flashed across my mind and to name them all is kinda absurd, coz i’m just so blessed to have all of you, so many many of you! So whosoever reads this and feels that you have made an impact in me, if you read this and feels that i’m referring to you, then, dun hesitate, it might be you I’m referring to. At least chances of me not referring to you would be less than 1%, so there’s a big chance that i’m talking about you! Hehehe…. thank you for you!!!!

Ya, so this post is dedicated to all of you who means so much to me!! Thank you!! Thank God!!

P/S: “Faces” ranges from family members to friends to teachers to lecturers to political leaders.

Finally i can enjoy my holiday!! After seeing everyone leaving Melaka one by one, returning to their hometown, now it’s my turn to enjoy the warmth and comfort of being in the midst of family and the cold and softness being in the bedroom of aircon and spring bed!! Oh, such a great feeling, oh such a wonderful feeling which that I’ve not experience for a long time and which i won’t experience for long also. Oh well, have to prepare myself to embrace the working life. Somehow a thought has dawn upon me… i wanna be known as the doctor to always smiles. Is tat possible? I know life as a houseman will be super stressful. I know life of a houseman will be filled with scoldings and critics from doctors and even patients and patients’ family… but in the midst of all these, am I still be able to smile? It’s a challenge, a challenge which i’ll try to take hold of and overcome.

Anyway, enough about the future. Just wanna blog about my recent happenings in life. Phew…. finally all the shipment is settle (duh!! If not i wouldn’t be back here). No more worries, no more stress. Just need to wait for my shipment to arrive and open the boxes one by one like a small kid opening up his Christmas presents. But before that, i’ll enjoy myself in Hong Kong. Not sure wat to expect. With my cantonese learnt for 25years via the tvb drama, not sure how far would it bring me… oh well… will just wait and see la….

hmmm… k lah… seems like i have nothing to blog today. Just happy that i can finally start to enjoy my holiday. Have wasted 2 weeks of it dong my packing… now will try to roam around the land. Yet to explore 1 Borneo, hope to go tonight with my bro and catch a movie. If all goes well, will go tmr to watch Coming Soon to scare the wits out of my pants (watever that means).

k la… have to go d. Currently in Starbucks City Mall coz my home internet connection is super ancient, super dinosaur, super tortoise, supe watever you call it. Drinking so much, it’s time to go to the loo. Seems like nothing much to read this time… will update again soon, next week? Till then.. ciao!!

This is MY doing, your weakness needs MY Strength

and your safety lies in letting ME fight for you.

You did not come to this place by accident

You are EXACTLY where I meant you to be.

You were so busy that I could not get your attention

and I wanted to teach you some of MY Greatest truths.

The pain will leave you as soon as you learn to see ME in ALL things.

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Why does our spiritual life always have a desert in between? Why can’t we have the constant ever-rising-never-dipping relationship and love with and for God? Why do we at times feel the dryness and loneliness in this supposedly sweet and fulfilling walk with Him?

Well, i guess the poem above answers it all. We go through the desert not because God has abandoned us, nor has His love for us decrease because of what we’ve done, but we go through the desert because He has excatly meant to place us there, to make our hearts tender again, in the quietness, to speak to us, and renew, refresh, restore us to continue the long winding narrow journey with Him.

Sometimes the busyness that surrounds us prevents us from spending time with Him, blocks our ears from listening to His still small comforting voice, blinds our eyes from seeing the great truths that He longs to show us, numbs our spirit from experiencing His presence and His touch. The busyness around is liken a general anaesthesia that cuts us off of all senses and puts us into a state of spiritual unconsciousness.

Thus the desert that God places us in, is to quite down our spirits and sensitising it His Spirit again. It’s to get us back on track. It’s to give us a wake up call. Ultimately, the ultimate outcome is a dessert in the desert!

So, whenever you face a dryness in your spiritual life, when you feel all your prayers bounce back from the ceiling like a gumy bear, when you feel God is no where to be found no matter how much litre of tears you’ve shed while crying out to Him, just BE STILL AND KNOW THAT HE IS GOD, He has never leave you nor will He ever forsake you, He is just there working in you, making your heart tender, sensitising your spirit, tuning your frequencey to the same frequencey of His, to show you that He is still your God, your Father, your Friend, your Comfort. He is preparing a DESSERT for you in this DESERT!

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Lately have been busy packing for the exodus our of Melaka. Hehehe… But no lah, Melaka ain’t a land of slavery compared to Egypt for the Israelites, Melaka is a nice place i’ve learned to love and enjoy living, not much difference from The Land Below The Wind Sabah. Anyway, yeah, used to hate packing coz there’s so much things to pack, so much dust to cause rhinitis and mucus flowing like waterfall from my nostrils. Sigh… worst of all is to decide waht to throw and waht not to throw. Me being a phlegmatic and a sentimental guy (fuiyoh…), it’s kinda hard for me to throw all the cards and love notes taht ppl write and gave me. Always have this thought that after 40-50 years, i will be opening this metal biscuit box and dig into it, taking out all the sentimental letters/bookmarks/cards/etc and just soak myself in the memories of yesterdecades. Who knows, i will share it with my children, grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grand… okie, think that’s too much d. Anyway, yeah.. but somehow while packing i kinda enjoy it also as it brings back memories of my 5 years in Manipal+Melaka. Memories comes flushing in like a flushed toilet…. hmmm.. wrong description, it ain’t a shitty memories buty sweety…. hehehe… hmmm… oh ya, memories comes flooding in like an unexpected tsunami. Thus while packing, i really enjoy each moment of it now, reading the diaries i write back in manipal years. Hahaha… sound so silly, naive of me as i read back at my entries in the diary. Oh man….

Anyway, it was during that packing that i found the above poem. Was going through a desert back then, but God reminded of the reason of the desert He placed me in. Forgot whether was the poem a made up of myself or was it from another source.. but it really spoke to me then and even now. So was just thinking of sharing it with you guys lah. Throughout my 5 years in medical school, i really see how God has been leading me and never leaving my side no matter how far i feel He was from me, correction, it was how far i was from Him. And indeed His faithfulness have brought me through this course, in one piece and in peace.

Food for thought: have you found your dessert in the desert? Wait for Him there if you are there, He’s in the process of preparing the dessert.

Okie lah, need to get back to my final packing and cleaning up. God bless ya all heaps!!

Feeling of the day = Thankful

Word of the day = Fatihtful

Song of the day = God of Miracles (by Youth Alive)

Is there a limit in doing good? Is there a boundry that we should keep when trying to go an extra mile for others? Is it wrong to go all the way out to help a person in need?

Huh~~ soo much confusion now. Seems like I should limit myself in helping others or going an extra mile for others. Should i learn to be stone-hearted and just ignore their needs? Or maybe i should learn to be mean at certain times?

But… but… by doing so, it just goes against all that i believe in, goes against my character. “What would Jesus do??” was the famous phrase since my youthful days (not that i’m very old now….). Indeed, what would Jesus do when he sees a person in need? I believe he’ll go an extra mile for that person… so how could i not also go an extra mile, how could i just ignore, how could i be “a lil” meaner? What does  “a lil” meaner mean? How do you measure this “lil” meaner, how little is little? Oh, so contradicting. Why and how did i get myself in this mess by doing good?

Maybe should just take a long break to ponder upon what went wrong… sigh… just thank God that i have a long holiday now. Good time for the reflection that i need.

Feeling of the day = Oxymoronic

Word of the day = Oxymoron

Song of the day = Oxymoronic Me (By Wilkins Lim… yeah right~~~)

Complicated (By Avril Lavigne)

Goodness gracious!!!!

Indeed it life has been filled with goodness and grace! There’s so many things that’s in my mind now and also so many things to give thanks for, for the goodness and the graciousness of God. Just about a few days ago, i finally end my career as a student. Wahahaha… Praise God for that. Anyway, let me just put things in chronological order and talk about God’s goodness in those areas.

It all started about November last year where my 3rd hand maroon mazda car finally decided to give in to his chronic old disease he was suffering from. He broke down in the middle of the road but thank God was able to send him to a “car hospital” for treatment. There the “car doctor” broke the bad news to me saying that there’s nothing much he can do anymore for Mazda. The disease is in the terminal stage and no treatment could work. Either Mazda (or also known as fire-ant among his Transformer community) needs a heart transplant (which is the engine) or he can only be kept in palliative care. Thus Mazda was kept for palliative care in Pelangi Apartment uptil now. Anyhow, at the mean time, once again i felt helpless and paralysed. Coz my means of transport was taken away from me. Sigh… but… BUT!!!! The good thing happen. I was only left car-less for a few days… The opportunity of having a car to drive never seem to fail me. Vijia (my half a year senior) was having her Final Uni exam so she won’t be needing her car much coz she’s hermitting in her home studying so she willingly offered her car for me to use. Wuah… i was so happy and touched! My life was back to normal again, correction, my life was better than before as her car has a cold air-con, CD player, reverse sensor and most of all POWER STEERING!! Wahahaha…. so i was using her car for a bout a month or two till she leaves. Then after she left, i tot i would be car-less again but then another church friend, a big sister to me, Tracy, offered her car for me again as she’s going tour to Turkey and Hong Kong. So once again i was mobile. Then when i returned her car to her after her trip, i used my son, NiCkson’s car (err… it’s complicated… okie, not that complicated. Will write about it in another blog about how did i have a son). Going a round has never been a problem to me as expected. As the new year arrived, Troy and Janice, my monkey mama and baboon papa offered to borrow me their car until i finish my studies here!! Fuulau… was really grateful lah beyond words. Then in the month of March, my cousin from KL offered me his car also to use till i finish studies here. So.. you see… from the day Mazda was incapacitated, i was never immobile but goodness and graciousness of God and the people around me was overwhelming! I’m speechless over the edge i’m just breathless, i never thought i’d catch this lovebug from them all. So the cars which i’ve driven after my Mazda broke down was Proton Saga, Proton Wira, Hyundai, Proton Iswara, Perodua Kenari. Thank you guys for your love and goodness to me. Wilkins is always truly grateful!!

Ya, so that’s one goodness i’ve tasted from God, from the way He kept supplying my needs endlessly! Oh what a great and awesome God!! This boost my confidence that indeed God has, is and will continue to take good care of me!! Thank You God!!

The next things of goodness and grace that i’ve experience is thruout this looooong 5 years which seems so short now. Yes, 5 years have passed. Thus ends my studies in my first degree!! Phew… it has been loooong, tiring and stressful… but in spite of it all, now when it’s over, looking back at it there is many good memories thruout this 5 years which i wouldn’t trade for any other things.

Just a few days back i finally receive my result after the Final Uni Exams which is the Father of all exams! Well, thank God that everything went well that I’ve finally passed it. The Final exam is the toughest among all and for me to have cleared it, i would say all glory be to God! I was on the verge of flunking my exams but i really thank God that He pulled me thru. It’s really unbelieveable coz i did so badly for my last practical exam in the Finals. Don’t know for what reason that in the exam i was soooo stressed up til my mind got confused and i became blank during the exam. i tot i was beyond save-able after the exam. But i prayed and asked others to pray for me also hoping that i would be given another reassessment chance, and indeed i was given another chance. Phew… thank God! Many sms came in encouraging me and my son also came and visited me at that crucial hour. My heart was worried but then guess that was the time that i tried my best to rest my worries in Him since He was able to provide me with a reassessment, thus i’m trusting Him to pull me thru it also. My heart was kinda at peace and i just had an early rest. The next morning after my dad prayed for me (yes, he was in melaka then), i proceeded to the hospital for my exam. My heart was in tachycardia but my mind constantly reminds me to relax and trust in God. When the time came, i went in trusting God that He will see me thru it. Thank God that this time my heart and mind was calm and i did way much better than the first time. The panel of examiners was also a good panel. Thus i was made from unsaveable to saved! Oh…. dunno how to describe my feeling now, but i’m just overflowing with thanks from the inside out. It was really unbelieveable and i another miracle in my life!!

2 great events showing me God’s goodness and faithfulness to me. How could i not believe that there is a God who loves me so so much and how could i not love this God who loves me so so much?! Just an encouragement to those who is reading this, i truly believe, especially after this 5 years of my studies that IF GOD HAS PUT YOU THERE, HE WILL PULL YOU THRU!!

Hmmm… this is kind of a rough blog as i’m doing it in The Curve, Starbucks. Hope my blog doesn’t sound like i’m blogging in a rush, which i actually am. Hahaha…. oh well, still got lots of packing to do, lots of goodbyes to say. Never like farewells…. makes me wanna…. tear? cry? Hey, real man dares to cry! Okie, will update again when i’m free-er! Oh, i’m Hong Kong for holiday!! Woohoo!!!!! k k… ciao ppl!! God bless!!!

Feeling of the day = Elated

Word of the day = God

Song of the day = Jehovah Jireh / God My Provider

Well, since it was a “holy” weekend last week due to Good Friday and Easter, somehow got myself to write a poem (3 poem actually)… Hmm…. testing and developing the Shakespear hidden within me. So, here it is….

Good Friday - 10 April 2009

It was our sins which hung Him there,

It was our sins that he has to bear,

But amazing love He has displayed,

The price of sins He has paid.

Obedience to the cross He chose to stay,

“I LOVE and WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU” Is the message of the day!

Black Saturday??? (Whatever that means…) - 11 April 2009

I have a Cross embedded within me,

The Cross with the power to set me free.

Though struggles of life I may go,

Filled with hardships and suffering yes i know.

My heart will still choose to trust in Your unfailing love,

Being reminded by the Holy Spirit like a gentle dove.

Thus my heart will be strengthen my heart will be strong,

For this path I know is still very long.

Yet I know it has just began,

But finishing this Race I know YES WE CAN!!

Easter Sunday - 12 April 2009

It was out of love that He was sneered,

Hung on the cross His sides were pierced.

From His wounds Holy Blood flows,

Decreasing blood volume but love volume grows.

Death came then death go,

For the power of death has no hold.

The power of sin is broken, the moment from the grave He has risen,

The right hand of God He has taken, and that’s the reason we celebrate this season.

Victorious we will always be,

For the victory on the Cross has set us free.

Oh what a day to remember,

The battles Christ won for us to ponder.

Though at times we feel we’re weak,

At those times strength in Christ we’ll seek.

Indeed help in Christ we will attain,

For His hands upholding us He will sustain.

Praise be to God for He is all I’ve got,

Glory, Glory in the highest to You U Oh God who is the mightiest!!

Well, that the result of my Shakespear within me. Kinda corny, kinda… *Hmmmm….* but, well, kinda proud at my masterpiece. Enjoy and do dwell on the meaning of it. God bless all of you!!

Feeling of the day = weird

Word of the day = Hope

Song of the day = Love Bug (By Jonas Brothers) 

*Ironic as it may be coz i dun even have a love bug bugging me…. it’s all “thanks” to NiCkson*

When you’re down, a shoulder is quite a good comfort. It’s where you can just lean onto and take comfort in the person’s shoulder whom you’re resting on. No words are necessary, no particular action to comfort, just the presence of that person and knowing that he/she cares for you is more than enough.

How i long to have that shoulder to lean on at this very moment (more specifically and exactly, it was last night), at this season I am in. Let it be a shoulder of a family member, a close friend or a girlfriend. Shoulders which i tot would be warm was actually cold, icy cold that it just gives me frostbites.
Sigh…. so tired.

Nonetheless, thanks Fred and Vince for your virtual shoulders via sms and msn respectively. Though it ain’t a physical shoulder but it was as good as one. Oh well, the world still spins along its axis, time is still running, life still goes on.

Just a different tone and a different pattern in my blog… a diarrhorea of my mind.

Feeling of the day = emo.

Word of the day = bleak.

Song of the day = Numb (by Linkin Park)

Past few months have been a tough months for me in different areas of my life ranging from relationship to emotions to spiritual so on and so forth. Well, thank God He sustained me thru most of it, at least the major chunk of it. With exams around the corner, seems like the stress level and also the burdens are never ending, inviting more questions for God. Was kinda very down again yesterday, tired, drained, in the blues. Sigh, just another season of it i guess as a partial melancholic. However, met up with Vincent in the evening. Though it’s a cyber meet up (via msn), i really thank God that i was able to meet up with him. Vent out all the things that’s been bottling up in me like a vigorously overly shaken champagne bottle. Thanks Vince for your patience and most of all your encouragements and advice. That chat with him was indeed good and refreshing, shedding laser light which just cuts straight thru the clouds which was clouding me, pin-pointing directly to the problem.

After the chat, decided to walk around my apartment just to enjoy the night breeze, think things thru and seek God. Then two songs came to mind, Your Unfailing Love (by HIllsongs) and Unto You(by Planetshakers):

Your Unfailing Love

When the darkness fills my senses
When my blindness keeps me from Your touch,
Jesus come
When my burden keeps me doubting
when my memories take the place of You
Jesus come

And I’ll follow You there
to the place where we meet
and I’ll lay down my pride
as You search me again

Your unfailing love, Your unfailing love,
Your unfailing love over me again

Unto You

I live for You
All of my days belong to You
You draw me to
Your tenderness, You make me new
Into the secret place I will run
Where my heart can be free in the
Grace that I found in You

Unto You
Be all Glory and Praise
How my heart seeks Your Face
As I’m waiting on You

Only You
Are my strength and my tower
Fill my life with Your Power
As I stand here in awe of You
I stand here in awe of You

Indeed the words of the songs spoke directly to me; when the darkness fill my senses, when my blindness keeps me from your touch, when my burdens keeps me doubting, when my memories takes the place of you, Jesus, my Best friend will come and hold me in Your arms of love. Only You are my strength and my tower, and you will and you have filled my life with Your Power as i stand here in awe of You!

In the verge of pulling out from this race, not only once but many times in many occasions, You continuously reminded me, spoke to me, encourged me to carry on and this I am truly grateful. This shows that You’ve never and You will never give up on me, so what rights have I to give up on You or even myself? Where would i be without You in my life. Thank You God! I shall continue this race again, for i’m living it for You!!

Seems like ages since i last blogged. And seems like many ppl also stopped blogging. Oh well.. guess things around just stops us or hinders some bloggers to stop whether for good or just for a season. As for me…. i’m not sure yet

Well, many things have been happening in my life here. There are goods and bads, ups and downs, joy and misery. Guess all that has happened just kinda leave me….. blogaralysed? Well, decided to put my blog on hold for a while. Dun see the mood to blog for the time being… and dun see it coming anytime soon. Guess i just need time to quiet down myself and remain in silent, just to “selah”. Hmmm… finally understanding the so-widely-used-hip-in word of “emo”. Hehehe…. guess am in that phase and stage of emo-ing now. But no matter, what i know there’s no mountain too high i can’t climb as long as my God climbs it with me…. just need to go thru this stage now. Hehehe….

Thanks again for being so faithful in reading. God bless you ppl!!! Ciaozzz!!